“Hello, my name is John. I’m an airsoftaholic…”

“…I have slept on the couch and on the floor because my guns and gear have taken over my bed. My rifle has been modified and upgraded so many times that none of the original parts are left. The first thing I do at work is log on to an airsoft forum and check whether my buddies sent me an invite to the next game. I wear a ghillie suit and sit in the garden for hours on end just to blend with the foliage. I’ve seriously contemplated quitting my job to follow my “true calling”. I have completely forgotten about family and everything else in my life. All I live for now is the next big game…”

Our friend, “John” is but one among thousands of individuals afflicted with an incurable, drug-resistant strain of “airsoftitis”. Often, symptoms may not be apparent or detectable. He is just like anyone else: a professional with a degree in business arts or medicine, a college kid on summer holiday, a mill worker on leave or your neighbor two blocks down who likes to plink. Sometimes,
he may even be a “she”.

THE SYMPTOMS
Those suffering from airsoftitis or airsoftaholics are often quiet individuals
who go about their daily business in solitude. There are days when they are in “social isolation” especially when none of his co-workers or classmates know what an “AEG” is or when the next skirmish is going to be played. Like real soldiers, airsoftaholics have the “thousand-yard stare”—a state they usually find themselves in when contemplating the next big “mod” for their guns or which BDU would blend better in which playing field or what scenarios would give them the rush.
Airsoftaholics also suffer from a “Jekyll and Hyde” syndrome. They can be meek and mild mannered at work or in the home but they can also be cold-blooded killers once unleashed in the battlefield. It is not an easy task trying to distinguish one persona from the other. Often, those who seem like they would make good candidates for the “Peace Corps” turn out to be those who get to wipe out an entire squad with a single M249 burst!

KEEPING THE EPIDEMIC AT BAY
Modern medicine has yet to find a non-invasive cure for this malady. It is unclear how the disease is transmitted as there have been documented cases of airsoftitis in Japan, the United States, the United Kingdom, the Philippines, China and much of southeast Asia to as far as Eastern Europe particularly—Croatia. Airsoftitis has also reared its ugly head in Canada, Barcelona and Norway.

Airsoftaholics who actually seek medical treatment usually keep mum when interviewed and insist on “fondling” their AEG’s. There have been instances where airsoftaholics had to be bodily carried out of the doctor’s office by a SWAT team because the regular building security was “outgunned”. This behavior has made some doctors and clinics unpopular for regular folks and doctors face the prospect of losing all their other patients and their practice as well. And while little else can be done to eradicate or even suppress this pandemic, “normal” people are advised to stay clear of any individual suspected of being airsoftaholic. If you find one in your neighborhood, you have no recourse but to ask him where he gets his guns, his game equipment and where he usually plays. Once the airsoft bug is transmitted, the incubation period would take at least five days or a week after exposure to an infected individual.

PREVENTIVE MEASURES
When this happens, the first thing you should do is check your bank account to see if you’ve got any disposable income
left to get your own AEG, mask, uniform and the bag of BB’s for the next game. Now that you’ve covered money matters, cross out all the weekends in the calendar for the rest of the year. This should give you enough time to think about getting into another hobby or sport. When you’re all set, hang an 8×10inch photo of yourself in BDU’s and a full load-out right in the living room for all your family members to see so the next time you don’t show up at a cousin’s wedding or your kid’s birthday, they’ll know what’s keeping you preoccupied.

Lastly, never assume that just because you live nowhere near an airsoft shop or a Marui-toting friend that you’ll never catch airsoftitis. To this day, no anti-serums or vaccines exist. You may just as well kiss the world goodbye! There’s hardly any point in pretending. The fact that you’re reading this magazine already means you’re too far gone and nothing short of surgery will pry that $500-toy from your hands!

Welcome to Airsoftaholics Anonymous! This is the beginning of the rest of your life!